He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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