so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
