i just had sex bonerless
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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