Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize