Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
