I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
