smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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