And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
