so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize