dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
