he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize