I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize