If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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