i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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