why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When did angry sex become our thing?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
