yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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