I smell stomach acid.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
