So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
