I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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