What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
