My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
