it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
