They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
