You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Hippo gnu deer
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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