does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
