Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Two words: blizzard sex
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
