i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i love accidental penises.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
