Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
