we have officially mastered the walk of shame
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
