so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
