Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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