Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
These tits shall not be calmed
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
