I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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