and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
