im six kinds of drunk right now
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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