your thong is hanging out like whoa
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
