my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
