Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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