So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
