Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
