it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
