I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
