In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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