My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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