I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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