hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
