remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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