If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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