As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
