it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
