that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
