This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
