I can tuck mytits in my pants
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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