good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
