He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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