Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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