The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
