Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
