Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
