It's like God shit irony all over that family
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
should my penis look like a turkey
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
