He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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