bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
