please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i think im in europe. pls send help
I pour the whiskey from now on
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
