Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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