did you get engaged???
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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