In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
