How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
