I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize