My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
