thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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