You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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