my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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