Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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